This week, as part of Financial Spiral, I Root Cleared Honest & Authority and it’s gone deep!
The day after the clears, Centrelink call me. My initial response is uneasiness; I feel guilty and like I’m in trouble. It takes a few moments for me to remember – I have been completely honest with them this year, I have nothing to worry about. The woman I speak to seems very accusatory – she keeps telling me she’s calling to help me, because I’m a customer of theirs, but it doesn’t feel like it. It feels like I’m speaking to the Police and they’re trying to catch me out! But I have not done anything wrong and everything is fine… Major Authority issues showing up! I like to think that this phone call helped clear all my residual authority rebellion…
The next night it reaches my dreams. I dream of getting 5 parking tickets and a driving fine. I end up speaking with the finer, explaining to her honestly what’s happened, imagining she will take the fine away. She understands, she knows I’m innocent, the fine is only $2 so it’s ok, she says. I open the fine – it’s $250. I feel devastated that my honesty is being punished!
The next night in my dream I’m on the phone to my mum. She’s worried, she has been lying and is about to be (potentially) found out. There is an investigation, there are hundreds of detectives entering her building. I tell her I’m on my way to be with her. Part of me wants to run away from the whole thing.
In week 2 of this journey, I set an intention to be completely honest with my feelings as they arose. Not to second guess or try to rationalise them. Even if I knew a feeling would be different the next day or even the next minute, it didn’t matter. I wanted to honestly express all my feelings. The “good” and the “bad”. Sometimes I felt like I was doing the wrong thing, creating unnecessary conflict or not taking enough emotional responsibility. Now I feel like I have no choice other than to do this. Those sometimes awkward conversations are my favourite kind. I love the feeling I get in my belly when I know I’ve felt something that I’m going to have to talk about. Because as soon as I talk about it, the feeling changes. I feel lighter, more open, more supported. If I don’t say it, the feeling changes too – It gets heavier, tighter, contracted. It becomes a ball of frustration or sadness, tangling up my insides and getting bigger and bigger. It seems I can no longer suppress my feelings – my body will not let them be pushed down.
So, here’s a gift I have. I’ve been practicing all my life and I can help you see too; Feelings are a wondrous and magical gift that help us to know our truth in every moment. And the more you can feel them, the better your life may be… If you have any recurring emotions that are bothering you, contact me for an Earth Flow Session so we can use emotional clearing to get to the bottom of them and integrate with a relaxing and harmonising Shiatsu Massage.