After 2 weeks of feeling emotionally retarded, I level up. Solar Plexus. Willpower. This word excites and scares me. I know I have space for improvement here.
During the session, my partner leaves to run some errands and tells me he’ll meet me at 5Rhythms. We talked about going together and him walking out while I’m mid-conversation pushes my buttons. I decide not to go. I offer myself up to the heavens and go on my own dance journey, in the lounge room. I spend the next 2 hours sobbing and howling my little heart out. I cry like a newborn, screaming until my face turns red and my throat hurts. I cry like a toddler, kicking and pounding my arms and legs, a tantrum fueled by “I don’t want to play Life anymore!” I cry with my masculine side, feeling helpless and weak. I cry with my feminine side feeling scared and vulnerable. I cry and dance and eventually surrender to orgasmic release. I start to feel better.
There are 2 major things on my mind this week. Two commitments I have to decide upon. One is personal (committing to assist 2 Dancing Eros journeys), the other is business (committing to NEIS). The commitment scares me and I feel resistant to it. I want to be patient and not force myself into difficult situations. I also don’t want to miss out on good opportunities. I want to know the balance between action and rest.
I admit to myself that this journey is big and it is affecting a lot more than just my finances. I find clarity on the ways in which I use my time. I find it easier to help others than help myself. I get easily lost in tangents and distractions.
I finally start to look for the positives in myself, instead of focusing on the negatives that have been haunting me the last weeks. They have not much to do with money or business.
I wonder if this whole business thing is a waste of time anyway…